Should You Vacation or Travel with your Ex-Spouse for the Kids Sake -Good or Bad Idea-

This is one of those subjects thats going to take some serious thought and consideration.
The first thing that needs to be examined is the causes that led up to the divorce or separation. And how is the relationship between mom and dad at this point. We assume we are  newly separated or divorced with young children in play for the sake of the conversation.
The first thing you hear from past couples that are kicking this concept around is “We are good friends and we laugh a lot.” “We have a great communication and we share pictures when one is not with the other.” “He’s great, we are great, and we keep on keeping the kids first..” With no disrespect intended, we may be trying to convince ourselves that things are much better that they really may be.

I think everyone is all for peaceful divorces and respectful co-parenting. But I have to wonder:  Is it confusing for kids to see their divorced parents getting along well enough having a great time  together, then having to say goodbye all over again to the sadness a broken family can bring.  Even worse, putting the possibility of possibly reuniting. This is truly a hard subject to discuss and it saddens this reporter. “I’ve seen a couple of families that have made this work beautifully,” The families who successfully vacation together, spell out clear expectations for their kids to avoid confusing them. “I’d even recommend a brief family meeting before a vacation is planned as to get a feel on the situation., ‘We’re going to do this, but we don’t want you to think we’re going to get married again. That didn’t work, but this arrangement does,’ “It has to be abundantly clear that you’re a family and you love each other, but you weren’t good at being married.”

Co-vacationing is less confusing to older kids than younger ones, but why do it at this point, the reality of the situation needs to set in eventually. If this is happening maybe a closer look at the marriage is worth reevaluating. Sometimes a fight is just a fight and everything escalated out of pride or anger. Perhaps the decision to co-vacation is a sign that “I miss you” without saying  “I’m sorry. ” You never know and I hope this is the case. The little little ones are only kids once and they need both of you.

 Sometimes we just need to be apart and theres nothing we can do about it.  It’s a much better scenario to not expose the kids to any negative conflict if possible so they don’t think this is an example of relationships and repeat. Rare is the divorce in which both parties wanted out of the marriage equally.  So if the vacation is going to dredge up painful or unresolved feelings for one of the adults, it’s also not worth pursuing.

If either mom or dad are going into the vacation hoping that’s when he or she will win the other back over, the kids will pick up on this instantly. False hopes are good for the little ones, they are wanting this to happen. 

Acting like nothing has not changed does not make it so.  Kids need room to adjust the same as we. Learning to adjust to the change after a divorce is important for everyone.  Be Honest.

This is a sign that you are both on the same page which bodes well for the “I love you.” Even if it is a self-imposed, feeling or pressure to express this is a problem.  

 The kids are going through every bit as much as  mon and dad, If there is constant fingers pointing, insults or loud voices, separating your lives from one another frees them of that burden.

So I guess the best advise offered here is include everyone in the vacation discussion, be honest with  all expectations. Its never easy but you can get through it. if approached correctly. 

Get the kids off their phones and

SMILE!

Wishing you the best.          Happy Travels!

Chris

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *